


Moonlit

by vvenom



Category: Teen Titans
Genre: Anxiety, F/M, Self Harm, Vomiting, band au, rape mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-15
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 00:09:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 11
Words: 12,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3548771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vvenom/pseuds/vvenom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rachel Roth thought this year was going to go just like every year did; sitting in her band locker for lunch, avoiding attention and conversation from anyone, and hiding her face with a book, laying low and listening through silent earbuds. But one night on a bus ride home from an away game, she draws in the attention of none other than the annoying Garfield Logan, who for some reason isn't seeming as annoying anymore. Now she can't tell if her year is heading for the best or the worst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bus Windows

Shades of pink and orange run together in streaks, painting the afternoon sky. You tilt your head back, leaning it against the gross leather seat of the mustard yellow school bus. You hated marching season, but sticking in band was worth the sweaty afternoon practices and late night half-time performances. The sunset cast dim light inside the bus windows and warms your thighs as you sit quietly, earbuds pushed deep into your ears. There isn't any music playing, but people bother you less. Except for those who cant take a hint.

"Rachel!" An obnoxious voice swims over the loud bus chatter. "Rachel, what're you listening to?"

You try to ignore it and keep your gaze at the back of another sticky bus seat. Why does he manage to find a way to bother you on every bus ride? It was bad enough you had to sit beside him every day in band.

You're last chair baritone player in symphonic band, him being second to last. You've never been the best, but he was superb at it. He could pick up any instrument and play it like he's been practicing since the day he was born. The fact that he was too lazy to learn music, sent him down a few chairs, right next to you.

You feel pressure form to you right on the slick leather bus seat. Great.

"Logan." You wonder why he continues to choose you to pick on you out of all the other girls on the bus, in the band even. It was easy to see that he was good looking; he had pale green eyes and freckles that scattered his face, along with dark red hair that was the kind of messy girls gushed for.

"Roth." You turn to see him mocking a serious face. "Why do you always call me by my last name? I have a first one you know." He tilts his head back and the facade of seriousness twists into a sideways grin.

"I'm aware." You say back shortly.

He sighs and you look out the window. Clouds tumble past each other and a sweet candy sunset swirls into early dusk purples.

"You never answered my question!" He says excitedly. "What're you listening to?"

Your turn to sigh. "Nothing. Usually putting ear buds in lets people know I don't want to converse." You look up at his freckle painted face. "Usually..."

A chopped and airy laugh escapes his lips. "Come'on Rach! I know you can't resist me." His eyebrows do a little dance and you try your hardest not to seem amused.

"Oh. You're right. What was I thinking."

You talk for a little while, him making crude jokes and you pretending to be repulsed. Eventually the sky is coated in deep purple hues and tossed handfuls of stars but you don't notice until the bus stops.

"Welp. This is my stop." Garfield states as he turns to look at you playfully.

You allow a small smile. "Mine too."

-

The rest of the night is long and boring and somewhat a blur. You hear afterwards a clarinet player (Kori maybe? You don't know her well) tripped and now has to get stitches on her upper lip. Dick Grayson, a trumpet section leader (at only his sophomore year) shrieks the entirety of the bus ride home about it.

"Oh my god, it makes my stomach churn! I sent her like eight texts and she still hasn't replied! Should I send another? Oh my god what do I do!"

Garfield clasps his face in his hands and sighs from the seat behind you. "Bro, _chill_. I'm pretty sure shes gonna live."

"Yeah man," Victor Stone, first chair trumpet, complains from the seat beside Gar. They've been best friends ever since the sixth grade and are practically inseparable. "Some people are trying to sleep!"

Dick grumbles from the seat in front of you as you stick your earbuds in. Pale moonlight pours in and floods your body. You always liked the moon. It was symbolic to you somehow, you just couldn't pin how. It was unreachable.

"How's your music?" You can hear Garfield's grin as he speaks through a sleepy slur.

"Wonderful. Thanks for asking." You say without turning around. Why did Jinx have to get a different bus than you? You craved the attention of anyone other than Gar (at least at the moment.)

"You know, I bet it would sound better if you actually listened to some." You feel a thick arm move over your shoulder and pluck your ear buds from your phone.

"Hey!" You turn around slowly to see him plug your ear buds into his own phone. "You're such a brat."

For a second, his eyes flash up at you coldly, not in a menacing way, but in a way that made you want to grab your words and shove them back down your throat.

The look faded as soon as it came, and you almost don't remember it happening. His regular grin reappears and he smiles at you lightheartedly as he thumbs through his phone. "I like this song. Maybe you'll like it too."

He reaches over and sets his phone in your lap then turns away from you to lean against the window, dozing off under the electric moon.

The song starts off slow, smooth with pretty lyrics and it hums in your ear as you push your back against the bottom of the seat and close your eyes.

The song is soft, and yeah, you do like it. You clutch Gar's phone to your chest and slip into sleep, moon rays pouring over you from the bus window.

 

 

 


	2. Ease My Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapters a little more melancholy and a tad bit heavier than the last ! I hope thats okaaaaay, please leave comments if you read! Everything is appreciated (:

You wake up to heavy moonlight seeping through the windows of the gross smelling bus. It roams over the small girl infront of you, casting shadows over her smooth skin and illuminating her small face. Her earbuds are still shoved deep into her ears, your music still playing. You wonder if she liked the song or not.

"Pst." You pull your arm over the slick leather bus seat and lightly push her shoulder. "Rachel, wake up."

She slowly stirs, her wide eyes flashing awake. A yawn escapes her mouth and her left earbud falls out as she stretches. Her eyes shift around the room, taking in her surroundings, and with a chopped gasp she sits up straight in her seat, drawing her knees into her chest without saying a word.

"S-sorry... ?" You stutter, immediately wishing you had never reached over the seat. "Are you okay?" You retract your hand as she looks at you, eyes wide.

"I'm on the bus."

You try to stifle a laugh, failing at it as it escapes your lips in a chopped giggle. Her brows furrow in a small frown.

"Yes, we're both on a bus." You falsely grin at her, hoping to lighten the mood. "And?"

She turns, her back facing you. "I'm not comfortable letting my guard down."

You let the thought process, considering all the things the statement could mean, pondering whether you wanted to test further into the comment or not. "Sleeping on a bus? Com'on Rach go back to sleep it's okay, no one will bother you I'll make sure, I'm sorry for waking you up I just-"

"Thanks. I feel safer already." The back of her head bounces with the steady movement of the bus, moonlight dripping off her black hair making it glow violet in the moonlight.

You fall back into your seat and sigh feeling the need to heave. Anxiety courses through your veins a you rethink the past five minutes in your head over and over and over again. You re-analyzed every little glance of her eyes, every time you smiled too wide revealing an arrangement of uneven teeth, every hitch in your breath as you spoke and wishing you could take back every word and fill in the blanks with new ones, as if life had a script.

Your hands fidget violently with one another as thoughts run rapid through your mind. You try hard to mask your anxiety with a loud personality, but sometimes the smallest things turn it on and make it almost impossible to turn off.

"Are you okay?"

You look up to see a bold pair of dark blue eyes glaring at you. Her face shows the tiniest sign of concern for the tiniest second, but it disappears back to her regular emotionless face as soon as it came.

You force a half-hearted laugh. "I'm on the bus."

-

As soon as you get home you rush to the bathroom and violently rip the toilet lid up. You release the bus dinner and water bottle you had so pleasantly enjoyed earlier, now just a sick reminder of your defective personality. You slam your fist on the rim on the porcelain as you withdraw your face from inside the cool glass.

Does she know what she does every day of your life? Her emotionless demeanor and sarcastic tone kill you behind closed doors. Does she know what she does to you?

You heave again and retch up your post-game nachos, thoughts muddying up in your dizzied mind. You sit up and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand, leaning against the wall behind you breathing in and out, in and out.

She seems so blank all the time, like nothing affects her. You wonder if anything ever does, if anything crawls under her skin like shes does to you. You've been locked into an infatuation with her since the first day of freshman year when she sat down three chairs down from you, her wide eyes tucked back into the hood of a gray jacket, sheilding her face. You wished more than anything she'd show you something, just something to let you known your efforts to talk to her, to flirt with her, to barely let her know you exist aren't going unnoticed.

You glance painfully up at the small drawer beside your sink and immediately heave at the your own disturbing thoughts. No way. Not again. But you know you said the same thing four days ago.

You pull your face to the toilet once again only to dry heave over and over and over. You say not again every time. You tell yourself that the bad habit you gained sophomore year is stupid, a teenage girls cliche.

But yet here you are again, dragging your limp defeated body off of the cool tile and pulling open the same drawer you have so many times before, searching for the same thing you have for years.

A small razor blade haunts the back of the drawer, where you set it every time. You pick it up, fingering it bluntly, letting it gently graze your fingers, leaving small slices between your fingerprints.

" _Here we go_." You think, dragging the edge of the blade to meet the skin of your wrist, already tattooed with dozens upon dozens of scars. " _Here we go again_."

-

You feel no emotion but shame when you do this. It's stupid. You're so stupid. How can you keep doing this to yourself over and over and over again over the smallest things? Rachel probably doesn't even remember what happened on the bus, and here you are wrecking your body over it.

But then again, Rachel doesn't think of you like you think of her. She probably doesn't even think of you at all. Probably doesn't even know your name, maybe that's why she's always calling you by your last name.

You're literally nothing to her, just another person she has to deal with throughout her day. Just another face.

You almost begin to feel sad for yourself, but then you look down at the blade painting your wrist with thick red strokes, and shame fills you to your core.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song i listened to when i wrote this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwsXo6fsmso


	3. Hey Ma

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *strums guitar* i suck at updating sorry  
> *strums it again* please read and comment thank you to those who already have you rock

You stalk into the band hall, dark black hair brushing around your pale face, your baritone gripped tight in your hand, heavy in it's case. People glance up at you only to glance away, uninterested. You didn't have many friends besides Jinx, a ditsy snare player who had an odd obsession with your section leader, who you didn't even know the name of despite the fact you've known him for three years.

You dragged your instrument to your locker and tossed it in uncaring. The same cycle happened every morning, of every day, of every week, of every year. Next you would crawl inside of your locker, like you always have, and pull a book out of your backpack, undisturbed by anyone else there. But as you turn around, every thought of that slips your mind.

"Hey." His messy red hair brushes over his eyes and a sleepy grin spreads over his face.

"Hello." You say back, surprised. He's usually never here in the mornings, always sleeping in late in his apartment and going to a college class first period. He didn't seem like the smart type, but he usually excelled in school despite what people thought.

"I was wondering," He leans forward and places a hand on the lockers behind you, holding up his body with his left hand. "What's your first period? And your second? And if we're gone that long your third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, and maybe eighth?"

"What do you want?" You say promptly as you feel a nervous rush of adrenaline course through your veins. You shift nervously to your right, bumping his arm and then awkwardly to your right. "Oh god." You think, wondering exactly how dumb you looked at the moment.

He lifts his hand off the lockers and runs it (nervously you might add?) through his hair. "Well," Sleepy eyes fade into wide ones and a grin that makes you knees weak paints half his face. "I was also, wondering, if you might want to skip school. With me. I mean, It doesn't have to be with me. But preferably."

You look up at him, staring at his pale green eyes. Why was he talking to you? Is this some sort of dumb joke? "Why?"

He looks at you and nervously fidgets with the zipper on his grey hoodie. "I need groceries."

You almost laugh out loud. Almost.

"You need," You look at his face, attempting to find any sign of a joke. "Groceries?"

"Yes." He says it with a sigh almost defeated. "I'm a big boy, and sadly being a big boy means buying your own groceries. Anyways it's a long and tourtuous process and I felt like your sweet and lively personality would lighten the mood. So Ms. Roth," He smiles down at you as he runs his thumbs underneath the straps of his backpack. "Would you oh-so-kindly accompany me?"

You heard from Jinx a few months back that Garfield's parents kicked him out of the house because he had sex with their maid. You decide that this isn't an appropriate time to ask.

"Sure." You reply shortly, hoping he doesn't see your excitement through your cool facade. "I'm thrilled."

He laughs and smiles down at you so wide you can see light purple braces exposed. You smile back, not at him directly but at the idea of him smiling because of you. It makes you feel somewhat... important. 

-

You slide into the leather seat of the Ford Charger and look around uncomfortably. You're father had always had money, bookoos of it, but you knew for a fact that Garfield's family did not. Where did he get a vehicle so nice if he's flat out broke? Your stingy father wouldn't even buy you something like this.

He walks around after shutting your door (such the gentleman) and slides into the drivers seat smoothly. "You ready girl?" He states with a smirk, reaching over and pulling his seat belt over him.

"Nice car."

"Oh," He turns swiftly and cranks the car. "Thanks homie. I cleaned it for you, you should've seen it before."

Oldies rap seeps through the speakers as the car comes to life and he reaches hurriedly to turn it down, a hint of red painting his cheeks.

"So you planned this before hand?" The inside of your body warms at the thought, but you can't think of a single reason why.

He turns and looks at you with wide (embarrassed?) eyes, hands clutching the stirring wheel. "Um, yeah. Yeah I mean, yeah. I needed... I needed to clean it out anyways I mean..." His cherry tinted face turned to the road. "Yeah."

-

The car ride to the grocery store is quick, and less pain inducing than previously thought. He walks around and opens the door for you again, as if this were a date or something. Which it isn't. Obviously.

You step out of the car and walk inside of the automatic doors, a cool breeze blowing back your hair from the inside.

"Okay first things first," He walks over smoothly to the carts and picks up a basket from beside the doors. "Let's hit up the snack isle."

You stifle a laugh. "Don't you ever eat, like, actual food?"

He shrugs and the corners of his mouth extend into a lopsided grin. "Sometimes I order pizza."

You shake your head disapprovingly, reaching to take the basket from his hands.

"What are you doing missy?" He says, mocking a gasp of offence.

A small smile spreads across your face despite how hard you try to conceal it. "I'm helping you grocery shop. Isn't that why you brought me?"

He laughs, and it's a full laugh, one that warms your core and makes you feel nostalgic about things that have never even happened.

"Okay. Yes ma'am." He extends his hand, gesturing towards the rows of isles. "Lead the way piggly wiggly princess."

And so you do.

You walk through the fruits and vegetables, filling the small basket with kiwi and mangoes, occasionally asking him to weigh something, or reach something. You throw chicken into the basket as you walk past the butcher and he almost shrieks.

"Oh no no no no no no." His hands dive into the basket, removing the chicken and gently, almost solomnly, set the chicken back in its designated spot.

"What's wrong with chicken?" You say, extremely self conscious and ind fluttering.

"I'm um," He runs a nervous hand through his thick hair, bright eyes moving from the floor to you, and then back to the floor. "Don't laugh. But, I'm a vegetarian."

You blink, looking deep into his pale eyes for a sense of lie or humor but you find none. You nod and offer a small smile, one that barely smooths over your face. "Okay. I'm sorry."

He smiles smally with relief. "Thanks."

We slowly walk through the store, debating over his terrible eating habits, until you both make it to the check out line (alive may you add.)

"Get some candy." He says as he sifts through his backpack for his wallet.

"What?"

He looks up and nods at the candy rack beside the two of you. "Get some candy. As a thank you."

You feel the skin on your cheeks redden and you tilt your head slightly. "Um, no no that's okay."

He finds his wallet and slips his backpack back on in the least graceful way possible. He looks at you though dazed eyes and smiles lazily, grinning in a way that makes your heart implode. In like, hatred, or something.

"Rae." He moves closer to you, setting thick hands on your shoulders, weighing you down significantly. "I know you like candy. Everyone does. You are not leaving this grocery store without a piece of candy in your hands. Now, what's your favorite candy?"

Your cheeks light fire as you look up at him, noticing how close you face is to his. You're completely and totally flustered, having no witty comeback or another excuse or debate, you're lost.

"Twix."

He nods and smiles, laughing an airy and light giggle as he pulls away from you, grabbing a jumbo twix from the bottom rack. You smile to yourself as he sets it on the counter with the rest of the groceries. Maybe you are important.

-

You walk up the stairs to the eighth floor of the apartment complex. Yes, the eighth floor.

"Why do you live so high up? Aren't the apartments on the bottom floors cheaper?" You huff in between steps.

You hear his choppy breathy laugh behind you. "I like being high up. Makes me feel like I'm perched above everyone else, like a bird or something. Why, you not used to the work out babe?"

Your heart sinks to your stomach and you almost trip on the next step. You're actually happy he can't see the way your face floods red and the sound of the word "babe."

Eventually, you make it to the eighth floor, hobbling, groceries in hand, to his door as he leads the way.

He fidgets with his keys and looks up at you when he seems to have found the right one. "You ready to witness this sick pad?"

You roll your eyes and look up at him. "I'm ecstatic."

He pushes the key into the locks and presses on the handle smoothly, then leans back and opens the door. "This is where the magic happens."

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song playing in his carrrr: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m60XKqEEnfg  
> i dont think i ended it very well but its leading into the next chapter so dont worry haha !


	4. How Does It Sound If We Spent The Day Out?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *strums another guitar* im so terrible at updatingggggg   
> so sorry this took so long and is so so short!!!! im gonna update again very very soon!!!!!!
> 
> im gonna add notes at the end for those of you who dont understand marching band in high school i didnt think about that im so sorry!!!! Thank you for all the comments you guys rock!!! :D

She walks in slowly and you brush your shaggy red hair out of your eyes, nervously awaiting her response to your small apartment. You attempted to pick up a tad before she got there early this morning, but your groggy state possibly led to missing a few spots here and there.

She steps around, eyes awkwardly shifting around the room. "Nice place."

You stalk in behind her, closing the door slowly. "Thanks homie. Here, the kitchens over here."

You shuffle around her, carefully guiding your bags away from bumping her legs (noticing they look nicely toned and tick in the skin tight jeans she was wearing.) You shake your head of lewd thoughts and set the bags roughly on the counter.

She looks up at you from underneath her hood and halfway smirks. "Be careful, you don't want to hurt the counter there."

"Huh?" You look up, after your failed attempt of not thinking lewd thoughts. "Oh haha, yeah. Sorry bro." Your hand pats the counter lovingly.

A smile spreads across her face as she pulls groceries from her bags and places them on the counter, a small breathy laugh escaping her lips. It sounds like Christmas.

She helps you put the food up in its designated places, commenting on how messy your fridge was and even taking the time to shuffle a few things around. She arranges the food in your pantry precisely, a change from its usual tossed-around look.

"You want some lunch?" You look at her from your spot on the counter, where you have chosen to sit and watch as she re-organizes your pantry. You've already pried open a box of cheez its, steadily eating as she works.

She pokes her head out from behind the pantry door, her dark blue eyes wide, hinting violet in the sun leaking through your windows. "Sure."

You shove another handful of cheez its in your mouth as you quietly celebrate inwardly, your cheeks flushing red showing your celebration outwardly.

"Hey," A quiet but focused voice floats out from behind the small pantry door. "Whats our section leaders name?"

"Who?" Your brow creases in confusion. Why did it matter? "Wally?"

"His names Wally?"

"Um." Anxiety pushes through your skin invading your veins and flooding your head as a course of jealousy follows close behind. Why would she want to know that? Did she like Wally? Did she want to get to know him? "Yeah." Your voice breaks noticeably.

She continues arranging food, uncaring. "Jinx wanted to know. She's somewhat obsessed with him."

You breath out noticeably with relief. "Ha. Oh." A breathy laugh runs over your tongue.

You run your hand through your hair nervously and she turns to shut the pantry door, smiling at you softly. "So, what to you want to do now?"

You laugh tediously. Oh, there were so many things you wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5n-_9ZjwRC4
> 
> MARCHING BAND:
> 
> Chair order goes best player to worst player, so your chair is how good you are in your section!
> 
> Your section is what instrument you play!
> 
> Symphonic band is like varsity band, Concert band is junior varsity.
> 
> You go on school bus trips to march at different schools during marching season! (For halftime show :D!)
> 
> Any other questions about marching band please feel free to ask! :D


	5. Bad Girls Need Love Too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey look im actually updating at a decent time heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!  
> you guys are so awesome i love getting your comments theyre so sweet cx you are all the bombbbbb  
> as apologies for the last update things get a little heavyyyyy *winky face*  
> and as always song at the end !!!!  
> please read and comment !!! criticism is welcome !!!

They rest of the day pans out smoothly. You eat ham sandwiches for lunch, her putting an ungodly amount of mayonnaise on hers. You sit on your couch (a few feet apart, might you add) and lazily play video games for an hour or so, then after you losing way to many times to spare your ego you both just sit and talk for a while until it turns into a one sided game of truth or dare, both of you too pussy to pick dare.

Streaks of golden sunset swim through the windows and paint her hair a lovely violet as her wide eyes look back at you. It takes everything in you not to lean in and kiss her. "Truth."

"Why'd you get kicked out of your house?" She says bluntly, deep blue eyes searching you for an answer.

You throat tightens slightly. You've explained the story time and time again to dozens of people, but this particular person made embarrassment flash across your cheeks bright red at the thought of it. "Skip."

She looks at you nonchalantly, void of emotion. "Nope. No skipping."

You panic smally. "Um, well, we had this maid named Terra, and one day I can home fro-"

"So it's true?" Her dark blue eyes flash at you as her monotone voice continues. "You slept with your maid?"

Anxiety shoots through your veins like heroin. "What? What no! Oh my god no she came onto me!" Your hands fling around in the air as an act of defense. "She came onto me but when I said no I knew she would lose her job if I told anyone! So I left!"

You shove your hands through your hair and stare down into your lap, trying hard to breath in and out slowly.

"Whoa," Rachel's hand meets just above my knee, her fingertips brushing my inner-thigh. "It's okay I'm sorry."

You look up at her, deep blue eyes analyzing you with persistence. "I'm sorry."

You nod slowly, keeping eye contact with her, slowing your breathing and forcing yourself to calm down. You can't let yourself go like this, especially in front of her.

You close your eyes and tilt your head back, moving your hands back down to your sides. Jesus Christ, why did that have to happen? Out of all the things she could have asked why that?

In your short lived moment of self pity, you realize Rachel Roth's very own hand is placed on your very own thigh, and your pity party slowly shifts into a small celebration.

"Rachel can you please stop trying to feel me up? I'm trying to have a mental breakdown."

You feel her hand immediately escape from your leg into her lap, her eyes piercing you with a scowl. "Oh, how could I ever resist a guy like you." Her voice now it's regular monotone pitch, all emotion void. "Proceed with your breakdown."

You fake a few sobs and she stifles a few laughs, and you both pretend like it never happened.

 

But later, alone in the dark of your empty apartment, you'll remember.

-

"Sooooooo, pizza?"

The afternoon soon faded into a hazy purple sky, the brim of the moon lightly glowing in the sky.

She looks up from the movie playing on your small box TV (you think it Jurassic Park maybe? She put it on.) and sends you a small smile. "Sure."

You send her a grin back and dial the number, order a large anchovy with pineapple (hers) and a small vegan pizza (yours.)

"I don't need that big of a pizza! How am I going to eat that all!" She stalks into the kitchen slowly and her small fist catches your side as her tiny form of revenge.

You playfully fall do the ground, over exaggerated noises of pain slipping from your mouth. "You killed me." You say from the floor. "No you gotta kiss me. To revive me. That's what princes are supposed to do."

"Oh so you're the damsel in distress?" Her arms cross over her chest as she leans back on the counter, her butt pressing on the cabinets underneath.

You pull your focus away from her (perfect) legs and up to her (adorable) face. "At this particular moment I am."

She nods with a small laugh and extends her hand, leaning down just enough for you to see over the collar of her grey t-shirt.

Avoiding her with your eyes as much as possible, she pulls you up off the ground slowly. "Wow, such the gentleman!" You stand up straight, your messy red hair just brushing below your eyebrows. "You're so good with the ladies."

She looks up at you with dull eyes and your heart throbs in your chest. You've never been this close to Rachel in your life.

"I wish I could say the same for you." A smirk spreads across her face as she leans back further on the counter, arching her back just enough for you to lean in over her, one arm on each side of her slender waist.

Her face is inches from yours, her breath brushing your cheeks. "You do huh." A grin stretches over your face and red splashes over her cheeks. Is she... blushing?

"If I'm so bad with the ladies," You lean in closer, pressing your waist into hers, her chest brushing your t-shirt. "How come I'm making you blush right now?"

Her dark blue eyes catch your gaze she stumbles as she searches for words, her mouth opening as if to say something, but no words find they're way out.

You're head is a mess, to caught up in the situation to think of the consequences of any move you make, emotions distraught, not knowing what exactly your feeling but knowing you're feeling a hell of a lot of it.

And in the midst of it all, you find yourself kissing Rachel Roth.

Your hands find her smooth waist, brushing up and down her curves and she responds back, pushing against you lightly.

You just can't take it anymore.

Hands groping the curve of her ass you pull her around you and push her on top of the counter, a small gasp escaping her mouth and you grin as your mouth pulls away and finds its way to her neck.

You bite into her soft skin, pressing down hard enough to leave a tender mark, and she moans out into the thick air, grinding her hips against yours as her hand slips under your shirt, sliding up your chest.

You bite into her again, sucking slowly on her skin, and she grabs your hand from her side, guiding it up her shirt and pushing it under her bra.

Her breath hitches as you brush her nipple roughly with your fingers, dancing around it. "Holy fuck Rachel..."

She moans and presses her hips hard against hers and thoughts burst into your head one by one like a slideshow and you feel heat pooling at the bottom of your stomach, and before you even realize it Rachel's fingertips are dancing around the waistband of your shorts in between chopped gasps and-

The doorbell rings.

You both pull apart from each other, catching each other eyes like a deer in headlights.

She looks scared, and confused and for some reason you feel like you do too.

You sigh and look down at the floor as you back away from her, running your hand roughly through you messy hair. "Pizza's here."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0oGcRidDUQ
> 
> any suggestions for the next chapterrrrr???? (:


	6. You're A Monster

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated this a few days ago on fanfiction.net but i forgot to here !!!!!!! im sorry xc  
> i like this chapter a lot, i wasn't as rushed writing it for some reason so i feel like the writing is a lot better haha  
> for jinx im using the dc comic version of her bc i like that one a lot better !!! (she kinda looks like amber rose) heres a link to what she looks like: http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120408115826/marvel_dc/images/7/7e/Jinx_004.png  
> and as always song at the end notes !!! please read and comment !!!!

The next few days at school you don't see him. You go to his classes, ask his friends, even ask his teachers, and none of them have seen him. It's almost been a week now... what did you do?

As soon as he left the kitchen you bolted for the bathroom, washing your hands and face roughly with cold water, suppressing memories that stung like acid in the corners of your mind.

" _He's not like that, that was different_." You repeated over and over in your head. " _That was different, it's not the same, it's okay, he's not like that_."

A soft knock drummed humbly from the other side of the door. "Rachel? Rachel are you okay?"

You breathed in and out heavily, thinking of something to say, anything to comfort him and let him know he did nothing wrong, it was all you; but your need to hold your cool and emotionless facade overrides, and all you can manage is "Peachy."

" _Fuck. Fuck. Why would you say that!?_ " You drag your hands through your hair, small tears haunting the corners of your eyes, dreading his awaited response.

Silence hangs in the air, the apartment seeming dead for only a few seconds before a small "Okay." escapes the other side of the door.

Then you left.

You pushed past him harshly as you opened the door, pulling your hoodie over you as you practically sprint for the front door.

You hear him breathing heavily behind you, words jumbling in his mouth, but you don't dare turn around.

"Rach-Rachel what did I do? Please, please!"

You wanted to turn around and tell him he did nothing wrong. You wanted to turn around and tell him you were sorry. You wanted to turn around and fall into the embrace of his cinnamon arms, rough skin peppered with freckles, and tell him everything, letting him kiss the tears away from your cheeks.

But you couldn't.

So you left.

Now it's been almost a week, and you have no idea where Garfield Logan is.

-

"Um, Gar, call me back when you get this? I'm worried."

You hang up, leaving him yet another message. You've called him at least eleven times in the past hour and he hasn't answered a single call.

"Why do you keep calling him? He's a player anyways. Not worth it if you ask me."

Jinx slowly takes another bite from her apple, glancing at you from the corner of her eye as she sits beside you at your table in the crowded lunchroom.

Jinx has a toned and curvy body, highlighted with smooth dark skin unlike your cold pale shade. You've always envied her for this, comparing her thick thighs and wavy waist to your almost twig of a body. Boys died for her, despite her outwards personality, and because of this she was too self prioritized to even dream of doing something selfless for any guy.

You sigh, pushing your elbows on top of the table and resting your hands on your palms. "I don't know."

"Weirdo." She takes another noisy bite of her apple.

You laugh smally at her remark turning to face her. "Hey, my section leaders name is Wally."

She gasps, eyes growing wide and expression shifting from bored to excited in seconds. "Really? Hm." Crunch. "He seems like a Wally. Such a cute name." Crunch. "Suits him." Crunch. "You should talk to him for me!"

She says it almost pleadingly as she latches to your arm, jumping around in her seat anxiously. "Pleeeeeeeease!"

"Whatever." You say with a small laugh.

You glance down your table, noticing a third member acquainting your usual two person party.

A girl with long smooth red hair that flows down over her shoulders eats solemnly, a scar baring her bottom lip, but not to horribly noticeable.

"Hey what's her name?" You ask Jinx quietly.

She finishes her apple and draws her attention a few seats down your table. "Hey Kori!" She yells obnoxiously. "Come down here."

The girl sits up and you notice how unbelievably green her eyes are, a bright emerald that highlights her features.

She smiles as she approaches you both, carrying her lunch, and you wonder why a girl as pretty as her is sitting alone at a table with you two. And then, she opens her mouth.

"Hello friends!" She says loudly with a smile as she sits down. "Thank you for inviting me to sit with you! It was quite lonely eating alone."

"Hey, aren't you in band?" You say smally, almost intimidated by her bright and happy personality.

Her eyes smile with excitement at the mention of band. "Yes, I am! I play the clarinet! It is very much the fun. I like doing the marching. This year has been harder than most though."

She gestures to her lip and you remember that one night Richard was bugging out about some girl on the bus, figuring now it was her.

The same night Gar set beside you, the same night her gave you his music...

You pick up your phone again, mashing down on the dial pad almost violently, having memorized it from pressing it in over and over again.

You tone out Jinx's and Kori's conversation as you prepare to leave another voice mail, almost positive her won't answer, praying he will.

-

"Garfield please call be back when you get this. Or just, answer the phone. Please."

You throw your phone on the floor of the apartment just across from your bed, rolling over to face the wall, scarlet splashed arms covering your face.

You wanted to talk to her so badly, so so badly, but not over the phone. You wanted to see her, but there's no way you could muster up the words for that, not right now at least.

You're a wreck.

You've basically been living in your bed for the past four days, only getting up to use the restroom, trying your hardest to avoid that damn drawer but failing almost every time, your arms and sides throbbing in memory.

What would you say to her? You couldn't make a dumb joke to lighten the mood, or attempt to move around the subject of the other day. She left, sprinted practically for the door, and it was right there in your face. There was no looking around it.

Your phone begins to ring from the floor, buts it's a rumbling car noise that escapes the speakers rather than the regular ringtone. Victor.

You groggily pick yourself up out of your bed and shuffle to the phone, picking it up and holding it to your ear as you answer.

"Hey."

"Bro, where the fuck are you?"

You run your hand through your hair defeatedly. "Home."

"What happened? You need to come to school."

"Nothing... happened." You sigh deeply at your own lie. "And I will. I've got a bug or something."

"We both know that's not true." He says blankly through the phone. "You need to get out of your apartment and come to school. At least for the last few classes today."

"Okay." You nod, looking at your floor. "I'll try." But you know you won't.

You hang up, letting the phone fall back on the floor, and humbly walk back to your bed, crawling underneath the warm covers.

Then the doorbell rings.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpt3pOGqkZk


	7. Heartbeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in one day ?!?!?! gasp !!!!! but this one is really sad warning :( it gets better at the end tho  
> Chapter song(s) at the end (:  
> please read and comment !!!!

She came in like a thunderstorm.

"Why haven't you been answering my calls!?"

You could barely crack the door before she was pushing it all the way open, allowing herself in. You were so ecstatic to see her, but so shocked at the same time, your head feeling fuzzy and naked, exposed.

"Why haven't been coming to school? I've been so worried, do you have any idea how many people I had to talk to find out that you've only been home this whole time!?"

She tries to push you, planting her two small hands on your chest and putting as much pressure as she could on you, but you barely budged. She asked around about you? She cared? Why didn't she ever act like it before?

You stumble for words, wanting to say so many things to her at once and not knowing where to start. "I... I-"

"You didn't even have to answer the phone!" She balls her hands into fists and pushes them to her side as she yells at you. "You could have texted me! Just sent me an 'okay' or a 'leave me alone' and that would've been fine!"

You reach up to run your hand through you hair and she grabs your arm swiftly, stopping you from carrying on with your nervous tick. "You could have told me to leave you alone and I would have! I would..."

Her hand rubs around your bare arm, and you almost vomit. She's noticed.

You try violently to rip your arm away but she catches it with her other hand and you realize it's too late.

Her hands smooth over your scars, fingertips dancing up and down them, tracing them. She draws her attention to your other arm, grabbing it and drawing it to her face, and only then does she notice your bare waist, and you curse yourself for not at least putting a t-shirt on before getting up to get the door.

"Oh my god..." Her breath hitches in her throat as she brushes your waist with her fingers over scars so raw it hurts with her delicate touch. "Garfield!"

She pulls away from you, her short spasm of pity evaporated back into anger.

"Why would you do that to yourself!" Her hands rush up to her hair, and you notice she has the same habits as you. "You're ruining yourself! You're-"

Her words come out choked, some small tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and you can't bare it anymore.

"What did I do?" You lock your hands over her arms and make her look you in the eyes. "What did I do Rachel? I need to know, I need to know right now what I did wrong!"

More and more tears brush down her cheeks and you realize you're crying too now, tears falling off your chin and running down your forearms.

"Rachel tell me I need to know! Did I take it to far? Do you not like me? Did I hurt you? I need to know Rachel!"

" _You_ , didn't do, _anything_!"

She yanks her arms away from your grasp as you take a moment to let her words sink in. The realization of what she said hits you like a brick, sinking your heart low, low, low beneath the ground.

You look at her, she stands in front of you know, shrunken into a submissive stance and you hate it because you know it means you must be in a dominate one.

You fall down to your knees in front of her and she flinches when you do it, making you want to rip the skin from your bones. You lightly grab her hands away from her chest and hold them in your own.

"What does that mean Rachel?"

She chokes out a sob and shakes her head back and forth in refusal.

"Rachel I need to know that I am 100 percent sure on what that means because if I'm not it will drive me crazy for the rest of my life."

She closes her eyes as she cries, ducking her head, letting her hair fall over her.

You catch our tears in your throat, trying your hardest to be strong. It's not about you anymore.

"Rachel did someone-" You pause and breath in heavily, calming yourself and tucking anger back deep into your mind. "Did someone... do something to you in the past, that wasn't exactly... consensual?"

You hold her hands tight as her crying slows and she sits her head up to look you in the eyes, tears dotting her cheeks and puffy red blotching her face, and that's all the 'yes' you need.

You stand up slowly and without a word, you take her into your arms. She hugs you back willingly, wrapping her small limbs around you and breathing in and out slowly into your chest.

"Don't do that to yourself anymore." She says in between small breaths.

You nod slowly as you lean down to pick her up, and then gently walk over to your couch, setting her down on top of you.

After a while, you both eventually drift into sleep, and you know that the years of longing and hurt where worth it.

-

When you wake up he's still asleep, his breath falling in and out slowly. You get up, carefully so not to wake him, and go for your bag across the room, digging through the front pocket for your cell phone. When you pull in out you have four messages, all blinking on the front of your cracked screen. A while back during marching practice, Gar pinched your side playfully while your were practicing your kick-offs, and when you jumped your phone fell out on the ground. At the moment you remember being mad, but now you smile about it, a warm memory.

You check your messages, two from Jinx, one from Kori, and one from an unknown number. You decide to check Jinx's first, scrolling through and tapping on the screen.

"hows ur boy toy" You roll your eyes annoyingly at the message.

"hey wally asked 4 ur number so i gave it 2 him hope u dont mind. he seems more interested in u than me lmao"

A ping of anxiety flows through you as you remember how Garfield reacted when you said something about Wally before and you immediately check the unknown message.

"Hey !! it's Wally West, your section leader? haha Jinx gave me your number"

Shame fills your body and you ignore the message, deciding you'd deal with it later. You check Kori's message.

"How is Garfield? Victor is quite upset he was not at his afternoon classes, nor did he show up to the band practice."

You glance back at Garfield, his chest rising up and down slowly with his breath, his mouth halfway open, drool pooling at his shoulder.

You smile and decide to text her back.

"hes fine. we'll be at the game tomorrow, probably at school."

You set your phone face down on the ground after saving Wally's number in your phone and push yourself slowly off the ground, walking over to the couch.

"Hey Gar," You kneel down in front of the couch slowly pushing his shoulder. "Gar wake up."

He stirs slowly, stretching his arms out over his head and yawning loudly. When he's done he rolls over a looks at you, a small sleepy grin stretching over his face. "Hey."

You smile back at him smally as the sun dissipated into a silvery purple sky, the moon shying behind gray toned clouds.

"Can I spend the night?" You ask him softly.

He nods slowly in a sleepy daze. "Hey, wait, will your parents care?"

You mind thinks back on you work crazed father, never home in your huge, empty apartment filled with minimalist furniture. You doubt he'd even notice your absence.

"No." You say as you smile up at him, his tired eyes flashing bright in the moonlight that has now started to swarm the livingroom. "They won't mind."

You both sit there a while looking at each other and taking the quiet moment in, the calm after a storm.

He runs his hand through your hair, pushing it out of your face slowly.

"Soooooooooooooo..." He says drearily. "Chinese takeout?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there are so many songs i have for this chapter so i only picked three !!!!  
> here they are:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7AjD7nKiUQ4  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EaqQ5rbh410  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQTN329lvg4


	8. Mr. Brightside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhahahahahahahaha i hate myself im sorry i updated this so late and with this crummy chapter hahahahahahahahahaha  
> ill update again soon with something better  
> chapter song at the end

When you wake up, the house is empty. For a moment, a ping of anxiety hammers you, but the unread message light on your phone calms you.

"had to go to school, sorry, ill see you in band !"

You smile down at your phone, her scent filling your sheets and the memory of her in between them drumming in your head.

You get up and get dressed slowly, taking your time, not wanting to leave and face school once again. But somehow after fighting yourself into a t-shirt and hoodie, you make it down to the parking lot and fall down into your car.

This time when you crank it, you turn your music all the way up, letting it flood through your car.

-

All through your first period you couldn't stop thinking about him. He actually liked you. He liked you and he's still here, he hasn't left or gotten scared of you, hasn't gotten sick of your introvert personality. You thought about is all through Physics, pondered it until the end of Graphic Design, and daydreamed about it for 97 percent of Math Models.

You walked into band in a haze, half excited, half nervous about seeing the guy you've been thinking about for (probably more than) four hours. You brush smooth dark hair out of your face coolly and let your grey hood fall down to your shoulders as you turn the corner excitedly, expecting to see Gar sitting in front of his locker where he usually is every day.

Instead you're surprised by a different freckle faced red-head.

"Oh hey Rachel! You in a rush?" Wally's swift voice and wide grin catches you off guard and you can't help but jump a little bit.

"Uh," You let a small sigh. "No. What's up?"

He leans in over you as people pass, avoiding bumping into them by pressing closer to you. You never really noticed Wally, but now that he's inches away from you, you notice his toned shoulders and warm skin. Unlike Garfields attack of freckles, Wally's are lightly dotted all over his body. He smiles down on you as people walk past and a hearty laugh escapes his array of white teeth. "Sorry. This is kinda awkward."

You look into his dark brown eyes and you can't help but laugh a little. "It's fine."

"Anyways," He slowly reaches for your arm, pulling you lightly away from the crowding people. "So, I got my report card back for the semester and needless to say it wasn't too great. Aren't you like, super smart? Or something like that?"

His words pour out of his mouth smoothly and in such a fast manner it's hard for you to keep up. "I guess you could say that."

He smile brightly down at you. "Great. That's what I thought." More people swarm in and your eyes dart around the crowd for any sign of Garfield, you wonder why he's late.

"Can you help me out with calculus sometime this weekend maybe? It'd be awesome of you too, and I provide the snacks." He jabs his thumbs in the air giddily awaiting your response.

"Sure." You say promptly. "I'm not a fan of chips. Get cheese its." You respond with a warm smile and he does the same.

"Sick." He says, wide eyes darting over you.

And that's when you see him.

Garfield hovers by the door of the band hall, backpack slumped over one shoulder and dark messy hair brushing over lovely pale green eyes. You see him for only a second, and then his silhouette disappears.

You push past Wally as he says a small "Later" and scan the room furiously for any sign of him, only to find none.

Maybe it was all in your head.

-

You sit in the small alley behind the band hall, hands furiously gripping your mess of dark red hair as you try your hardest to erase the image from your mind over and over and over again.

He was so close to her, and she practically beamed at him.

You thought she like you, you thought she wasn't gonna be like the others were. The way she was last night, the way she acted, seemed so honest, so crystal clear that your feelings were mutual.

Maybe it was all in your head.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGdGFtwCNBE
> 
> i might start another story soon if you guys like this one haha


	9. Body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry oh my god i never update oh my god,,,,,,,,,,,,, im so sorry..... i know this kinda a filler chapter but i have a lot planned !!!! dont worry my homies.. . . .. this is about to get good. please read and review !!!!!!! (song at end notes)

You're bed sheets tangle around your legs as you lie quietly in your bed. You haven't gotten up in a few hours, and you don't dare walk into the kitchen and glance at the pantry.

Are you over reacting? You don't think so. Victor said you were, after he finally pried the information out of you after about the 34th phone call.

Where you guys even dating? Maybe you took it the wrong way, maybe you got wrong signals. Or maybe she thought you weren't exclusive... does she like Wally more than you? Is he more attractive than you?

A million thoughts run through your head an your body feels disassembled, your heart not agreeing with your brain and your veins filled with coursing anxiety.

Eventually you roll out of bed and drag your limp body into the bathroom, painfully forcing yourself to shower.

As you stand under scalding water, scrubbing your body with some cheap body wash you bought while grocery shopping, you keep thinking about her. Maybe you are over reacting, and after your shower, maybe you'll call her.

-

Your dark violet hair falls over your face as you bend over the small wooden table that sits in the library. A book sets below you, and occasionally you reach up to turn the page, or pull your bangs behind your ear for the third or fourth time.

You liked the college library, it was so much more peaceful than the high school library, where daily smash bro tournaments were held every morning.

"Hey there, you stalking me?"

The voice is a loud thin one, that sounds like a ray of sunshine and runs fast like water over ice. You look up from American Gods to see none other than Wally West, smiling brightly down at you.

"Hey, and no, at least I'm not trying to." You offer as genuine a smile as you can manage and bend down the corner of the page you're on, closing the book.

He laughs, a breathy giggle, and sits down at the table beside you. "Fun fact: I'm here studying. I'm trying desperately to pass, but its so hard to take in all this info at once." As he drops three or four books on to the table beside him you can't help but laugh a little.

"Jesus, Wally. Maybe you shouldn't try doing it all so..." You look up to see him skimming through the page of a book, and after a few seconds flipping to the next page. "Fast."

"Yeah." A small grin spreads across his face, as he looks up at you. "I guess you're right."

You both sit there for a while, talking about small things and occasionally skimming through your books. It was nice, not worrying about anything and just being able to enjoy another persons presence quietly. Just knowing that he was there was enough, talking wasn't really necessary.

Suddenly your phone vibrates violently in your pocket, bringing you back to reality outside of the peaceful library. You struggle to pull it out of your tight jeans and when you glance at the screen you push yourself out of your seat.

"Hey I'll be right back." You say to Wally as you walk into the maze of bookshelves behind you.

You press the green button lightly and hold the phone up to your ear as you talk in a hushed tone. "Hey! I haven't seen you all day."

"Uh," The voice over the phone is light and shaky. "Yeah. I had to study for a test at the college."

"Oh, okay." You lean lightly on the bookshelf behind you and whisper into the phone. "Well I missed you. What are you doing later?"

You almost hear his shoulders shrug. "I don't know, that's kind of what I was calling you about. I heard that this girl in band is throwing a party and I thought it'd be kind of fun to go."

Your eyebrows furrow as you glance down at your feet. "You mean Jinx right? My friend Jinx is the one throwing that party." Her excited voice describing every detail still rings in your head from lunch.

"Oh that girl? What does she play, like, flute?" His groggy voice flows through the phone drearily.

"No." You sigh. "Shes a percussionist."

Your shoulders slump as you look down the isles at Wally, who violently turns a page, skims it, and turns another. A smile somehow finds its way across your face until Garfield's voice brings you back into the phone call.

"So, do you wanna go?" He sounds tired or something, so you hurry off of the phone call.

"Um, sure. Fun."

"Okay dude, see you later. I'll pick you up, okay?"

You nod despite the fact he can't see you. "Yeah. Goodbye."

You pull the phone swiftly away from your ear and tap the red button, turning around to head back to your table only to bump into Wally's chest, who some how is standing right beside you.

"Whoa. Sorry." You swerve around him to get to the table and he awkwardly maneuvers his body around you.

"Jeez Roth. Watch where you're going." You look up to see a grin stretching across his face and you can't help but let one slip across yours.

"Hey," You say quietly. "I have to go, but call me later. If you want."

He nods at you and throws a smile your way as you walk back to the table. "Yes mam. I won't forget."

You grab your bag off the table and rush to the door of the library. You have a party to get ready for.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4o0WYiK52Dg
> 
> okay so wally/rae or garfield/rae ????? howa bout both !!!!!!!!!!!!


	10. You Know You Like It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am literally so excited for this chapter !!!!!!!!!!!! i tried something a little different, switching points of views of characters that arent the two main ones, and expanding timelines. i hope you guys like it !!!!!! shit kind of hits the fan haha, do you ship rae/wally or rae/gar more??? or how about gar/jinx ??? idek what ship im going down with rn haha
> 
> btw the dresses jinx and rachel wore along with the chapter song is in the end notes !!!!

Smoke invades the air and pours over you as you step into the crowded room, the smell of cheap cologne fills the house along with a thick scent of alcohol that gathers at the back of your tongue. You like the impersonal feel of a large party, the way it feels to be alone together, but as Rachel clutches tightly onto your arm, you can tell she feels indifferently.

You walk through the room, bodies pushing against you as you swim through the crowd, and finally find your way to a couch. You turn to Rachel and grin slightly. "I'm gonna go get some drinks. You can wait here if you want."

Her head tilts slightly and her shoulders slump slightly. "Sure."

You turn and leave her there, releasing her and walking back through the swarm of people. You love the dim lit habitat of a high school party, something your very familiar with. Part of the reason you moved out was to escape the tight reins of your parents and be able to enjoy things like this. Your parents never thought you were good enough, but these people don't care.

As you pour you and Rachel a drink from the kitchen bar you look up to meet the eye of a thick light skinned girl with a pink buzz cut. You try not to stare but shes truly eye catching, wearing a tight two piece cobalt blue dress that drapes over her curves perfectly. You nod in her direction and set the bottle back down onto the counter. "You're Jinx right?"

She laughs slightly, something that slithers and pours out of her mouth like honey, and nods. "And you're Gar. I've never had the pleasure of meeting you." Her body drags its way around the counter and inches over to you slowly.

"Nice party." You say in a lower tone. "It seems like you really know what you're doing here."

She smile wickedly up at you and drapes herself across the marble counter, her voice purring. "I guess you can say I know how to have a good time."

You grin wildly at her, but something withdraws you, and the couch in the living room haunts the back of your mind.

"Well," You pick up your two plastic cups and take a few steps back into the crowded mass of people. "That's awesome. But I feel like you've had one two many drinks for my liking. I'm gonna go party on the couch."

As you turn away you feel slightly proud of yourself, but a twinge of regret pries at the inner corners of your brain, making you wonder if the couch is really where you want to be.

You shake the thought out of your head as you pour back into the midst of people, waywardly crawling back.

-

"Wally?"

You hear someone call your name over the music coursing through the room and your head turns rapidly, seeking out the caller. Your head twists over the crowd, scanning swiftly over the blank faces.

"Wally!" A smooth hand pushes softly against your chest and you look down to see none other than Rachel Roth. And a drunk Rachel Roth as it seems.

"Rachel?" You smile brightly down at her, and you can't help but notice the skin tight black dress that hugs her body and exposes her midriff through netting. "Wow, I never expected you to be this kind of thing."

"Yeah." Her words glide of her tounge as she speaks, and you swear you've never seen her more at ease. "I didn't either."

She presses her chest against you as the pool of people thickens and you feel the warmth of her body against hers. She giggles as she looks up at your face, which you feel burning red, and the fact that she's giggling at all make your face light on fire.

"Rachel, are you drunk?" You reach down and take her arms softly in your hands to support her up as she hobbles against you.

"No." Her brows furrow into a playful scowl. "I'm high. Why, are you the police? I can't ruin my perfect record."

You can't help but laugh, but her state concerns you slightly. "Where's Gar? And Jinx? Maybe you should go sit down or something-"

"Mr. West." Her hands snake around your waist and her wild blue eyes meet yours. "I am the police. And if you don't dance with me right now, I'm gonna have to take you downtown."

Well, you can't really argue with that now, can you?

-

You hike up your deep blue maxi-skirt as you go up the stairs step by step. You look down over the railing to see Garfield swimming through the crowd, bumping into others violently and shouting over the music, asking if anybody had seen his precious Rachel Roth.

You almost feel bad for giving her the pills, but deep down you knew she needed it. When is the last time shes ever been relaxed around anyone, ever?

The slightly drunk boy behind you follows you up the stairs, and you honestly couldn't be happier about it. The first chair trumpet player is entirely entranced by you, and as you reach your bedroom door a voice shouts up the stairs.

"Victor!" You turn to see none other than the adorable Garfield Logan hauling himself to the top of the stairs.

"Vic," He push his palms into his knees and pants slightly. "Hey, have you seen Rachel?"

-

His hands are all over you, and you can't help but fall into him on your best friends bed as he whispers lucid things in your ear. "Oh my god, Rachel." He kisses your neck heavily, over and over again in thick waves of heat as his hands swim over your body.

You feel so at ease, so free in your own skin for the first time in years, and you can't help but indulge in it without any second guessing. This feels too good to be wrong, right?

Wally's hands push under your dress and over your hips, dancing lightly over your skin and rubbing softly against your breasts. You moan lightly and he pushes harder against you, his hand squeezing over your skin roughly.

"Wally..." You moan his name loudly into the air and in a breath your hands are down at his belt buckle, rapidly tugging at the leather straps.

"Rachel?"

You sit up swiftly as Wally pushes off of you at the speed of light to see a crowd gathered at the doorway of your best friends bedroom. The world is slurred and blurry, and the only face you can make out has anger painted all over it, not directed at you, but at your accomplice.

"Wait," Wally gets up shakily from the side of the bed and presses his back against the light blue wallpaper. "Wait Garfield don't-"

But before you can say anything he's already across the room, and the world ultimately falls out of your hands.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jinx's dress:  
> http://www.sammydress.com/product1401792.html  
> rachel's dress:  
> http://www.loveculture.com/1000041138.html
> 
> chapter song:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIuJVYNvC-s


	11. The Hills

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro im so sorry i like never update anymore hah  
> I really like this chapter maybe its because i love beating my characters up and putting them through three miles of shit heh  
> thank you so much for you guys comments and stuff !!!!! really kept me going :D ive gotten really good reviews and nice messages on everywhere ive posted this it makes me happy  
> again, chapter song at the end, please comment and leave kudos if you read it !!!!!!! YOU GUYS ARE THE BOMB

The phone rings constantly, but you can't really tell if it's actually ringing or if it's just playing in your head on replay. The moon casts dim light through out your small apartment and you count the minutes in between each breath you take, the rise and fall of your chest in between the sheets. You try again, breathing in heavily and letting your lungs balloon, then puffing it out through your mouth, your eyes fluttering shut and directing your attention away from the dark ceiling, back into your thoughts. You count to 4.

You count the seconds in between her breaths. Her blonde hair runs over her bare chest as it falls up and down silently. You don't even like her really, yeah she makes you temporarily forget, but the pain still seeps through your pores and pumps through your veins. You wonder if Rachel's thinking about you right now, you wonder if she regrets. You know that you both hadn't even been together long, but you couldn't help but fall so hard for her that your body pushed itself out of axis. Your parents maid stirs in her sleep beside you as your phone rings once again. You count to 11.

You close your eyes and push them hard together, praying that when you open them the past two weeks will have been erased to when everything was normal, and your small crush was nothing other than a simple, silent crush.

You open your eyes and see the same dull, depressing ceiling. You hear the same small breaths of some girl you don't even care about. You feel the same pain, physically painting your arms and mentally wrecking your head.

And you hear the same damn ringtone pounding into your skull. It plays over, and over, and over, and over, and over...

-

Maybe if you call one more time he'll answer. Maybe if you send him another text he'll read it and reply. Maybe if you get up and go to his house and bang on the door until you can't anymore he'll open it.

Is it fucked up of you? Wally lays silently on the bed behind you, the black eye and bruised ribs make him all the more physically appealing, and you let him know last night. But even with him present, and even after the week you both have spent together since the party, you can't help but still think about Garfield. Is that fucked up?

Wally stirs as you whisper another desperate voicemail into the phone. "Garfield, please, please, please answer. Please I'm so sorry, please."

Silent tears leave small tracks down your cheeks and you clench your jaw tightly at the thought of what you've done... and what you're still doing.

Wally makes you feel so at ease, so okay with yourself, and you mean, so does Garfield, but with Wally it's so different.

Wally doesn't know. He doesn't know what happened so long ago, and he can never think differently of you because of it. Garfield will forever think of you as wounded because of it. You are not wounded.

But as you cry onto the glass screen of your phone, whispering desperate promises naked in the corner of Wallys room, you begin to question that.

As you decide to give up and slip into your clothes, you play over the past week in your mind.

Monday morning, you see Garfield in the band hall putting his baritone in his locker, a dark purple bruise painted over his left cheekbone and a scabbed over scar dividing his right eyebrow. He doesn't show up to band. You eat lunch alone, Jinx sit's across the cafeteria with Richard and Victor. Kori is sick.

Tuesday, you see Garfield walking down the hallway, Kori close beside him. They're laughing about something, but you can't hear. You see him again in the band hall later, he's leaning over a stand talking to some girl in the flute section, and she's caving into every word he says. The bruise must be working it's magic. You eat lunch alone again.

Wednesday, you don't go to school. You stay home and cry all day. You throw up at one point, but not have eaten anything in the past few days, you induce a ludicrous amount of dry heaving.

Thursday morning you see Garfield behind the band hall as you walk inside. The bruise on his cheek is looking better, but he now sports dark blue bags under his eyes. He stands faced to the wall, smoking a cigarette. Since when did he smoke? You almost say something to him but a freshman girl behind you squeals when she sees him, and you keep walking not wanting to hear their conversation. You see him again in band, and he actually stays the entire time. The awkwardness between the two of you as you sit beside each other is felt by everyone in the room. You try hard not to cry the entire time. Jinx sits with you at lunch. She doesn't talk much, which is uncharacteristic. Kori sits with Richard across the room.

And today is Friday. Conclusion: You're hungry, and Garfield has worn a long sleeve shirt every day this week.

You wake Wally up for school.

-

You flick the cigarette bud onto the concrete sidewalk as you walk slowly into the band hall. It's a nasty habit you picked up freshman year and somehow quit, but now you've picked it back up again. You think it's revolting. Girls think it's hot.

You left Tara at home asleep but that doesn't really bother you. She'll find her way out at some point in the day, and hey, you might even go out tonight and find someone else to drag home.

Girls are all over you like flies now, you're fresh meat. A hurt boy who got into fight and picked up a smoking habit because of an abusive ex-girlfriend? Everyone in the world wants to fix you. It's like you have a neon sign above you that says "Damaged Fuck Up" in illuminated letters for every naive girl to see.

You aren't complaining. Random girls every night helps you keep your mind off the girl you really want, but you've told yourself you aren't going back. You're not doing that to yourself again.

As you push through the heavy metal doors a small gust of air presses over your hot face. It feels nice. You haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately, and every part of your face feels over worked, not to mention the giant bruise on your cheek.

When you went after Wally that night, you didn't actually consider that he might actually fight back. Your original thought was that, hey, you were bigger, and you were angry, you could kick this guys ass, no problem. You never thought he would be as fast as he was, and in the end, you both looked like you got the worse end of the fight.

You try not to think about it that night too much, and you toss it from your mind as you approach your locker, sliding your heavy instrument in.

"Hey Garfield!" The voice is high pitched and slightly annoying, and before you even turn around you know exactly who it is.

As you turn, a false grin spreads across your face, and you relax your shoulders slightly. "Hey Kitty-Kat. What are you doing tonight?"

The small blonde looks up at you from under an array of cutely cut bangs. She adjusts her hot pink headband as she places a hand on her hip. Damn, for a freshman, she was pretty curvy.

"Nothing really. Who wants to know?"

You laugh, and run your hand through your hair, something you used to do so naturally, now so forced and practiced. "Maybe I do. Wanna hang out?"

Kitty had always had a thing for boys who met the "bad boy" stereotype. For a while, she was stuck hard on Richard, which made the entire band uncomfortable.* There was no way she was going to deny you in your current condition, so you gave her a time, and she gave you her place, and as you glanced up from her to walk away dark blue eyes hit you like a brick.

But you tell yourself not to care, that the sorrow and pain painted over them is fake, nothing but a facade to make you feel guilty.

So you put on your most menacing face, and walk away. 

  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LuYl6HqifxU

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave comments below! I'm trying to improve my writing so all comments are appreciated! 
> 
> and this is the song he put on for her: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rKNwx82kPjY
> 
> I'll probably have a song for each chapter (:


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